from ego with love: i’m an asshole
i am an asshole and you piss me off. that’s what i feel like today. today, i am impatient. i am impatient with people, with adults and with myself, but never with animals, children, and the elderly. i, ego, i assume adults know better. common sense isn’t so common. it’s cultural and is a personal standard set by all of us individually. common sense does not account for people not experiencing the same thing as you. common sense is egotistical. and i, ego, don’t care about any of this because things are how things are and everyone should abide by these things that only i decree. if they don’t, they should. if they don’t, i no longer care. i won’t listen. i struggle to empathize. you don’t look at the space you take up on the sidewalk, you piss me off.
the ego is the thing that sits in between the monkey brain and your morals n shit. it tests your desires with reality. and mine has never been out of control but it sees plenty that are. they piss it off. that’s okay though. right? anger is one of the most useful emotions. it says, hey man, look. there’s this thing that’s happening to or around you that isn’t okay. it goes against your morals, your desires, or it’s just harmful. do something about it. that’s all cool n shit. that’s normal human stuff happening that should be happening. but why is it that what a woman is wearing triggers that feeling in a 40-year old white dude and he feels the need to express that anger (that feels like discomfort to him) through passive aggressive comments? ego. why is it that i personally felt annoyed imagining that scenario? also ego. non-productive and harmful assholes vs. a healthy asshole. not all assholes are bad. assholes get a bad rep. they can be fine. keep them in check. go to the doctor.
but not me. i not am the asshole but i will run your life. i’ve sunk my talons so deep into your neurons that i’ve got you fired up 24/7, arguing with everyone, pissing on your dog, getting bad haircuts, and throwing your daily double at fast food workers. the monkey brain is haywire and i’m the best shit since sliced bread. the mediator gave up on trying to reason with those two. fuck with me or get fucked up at this point. i am not the asshole, you are. what’s that? my whole community is saying i am the asshole? impossible. you’re all wrong. i’m sweet and cute and am about my shit, and my ex-husband divorced me and called me a bitch but, actually, he was. i am not the ego. i’m you. i’m the person. your personality too. you move for me. you reach out to me. you work for me. until…
i fucking slapped her. i’ve had it. she pushed me and called me a twat one, two, three too many times. it bubbled up and now, even though it’s just for today, i say anyway, i am the asshole. i, ego, knocked three inches off of my height and became officially short. i’ve never been short before. but now the way you breathe is showing me things about me i didn’t know before. it’s showing me that i need to breathe slower. what is control if i’m out of it? my morals are stronger than my desires and monkey brain although i love them both. i am an asshole to someone, but not to me. i, ego, have returned to calm and green. back to reality. time is here now. i have to end this story.
with love,
ego, today’s asshole
